Developing Character As A Mom

I have always admired my grandmother as a person, but especially as a mother and grandmother. She is generous, caring, and hardworking, and has the ability to maintain a calm, sufficient strength through all of life's storms.
Her guidance is so natural, her goodness so sincere, and her most valuable lessons seem so effortlessly passed down to her children and to us, her grandchildren.
Growing up I was certain these wonderful qualities and character strengths would naturally activate in my DNA when I decided to have children of my own. I was absolutely positive this gene merely hibernated, quietly dormant in my blood until, of course, the day I became a mother.
But after my son arrived and the idyllic, tranquil woman (I naturally assumed was part of my genetic make-up) never made her appearance, I panicked. Surely, this meant I was adopted and therefore not programmed for perfection.
After my family re-assured me I was theirs, tried and true, genetic make-up and all, I began looking for other things to blame for my shortcomings. My inadequacy, compared to my grandmother whom I adore, must be the result of the gaping generation gap and extreme demoralization of our society. (I mean, she never had to deal with either one of the Spear's sisters, rap music, or the constant bombardment of explicit sexuality in the media, right?)
Recently, however, while reading the book of Proverbs in the Bible, I got my answer. My grandmother's strength and spiritual devotion have nothing to do with external factors and everything to do with her inner virtue and faith in God. Fortunately through His grace, our Heavenly Father has given us the same tools as every generation before us, including our mothers, and their mothers.
And no, she didn't have to deal with MTV or the Internet, but temptation has been around since the beginning of time. (Remember the snake in the garden?) Even though it has evolved greatly and taken many shapes through the generations, the battle of right and wrong remains the same.
"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. . .Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:28 & 30)

Teaching Graciousness

Waiting in line is never fun, especially for children! So imagine our frustration the other night as two energetic little boys pushed passed my son, his friend and me to bounce in the inflatable 'moonwalk' after we had all been waiting for our turn patiently for what seemed like an eternity.
There were about thirty other people in the line (it was a fairly large event celebrating the close of the Little League season,) but it just happened that these boys 'broke' right in front of us. No one else really noticed, except the father and son standing directly behind us in the line.
In perfect unison my son turned toward me and the boy behind us turned toward his father looking for an explanation and some sort of discipline for the aforementioned offenders. While I was quickly trying to piece together a reply that would sound good, re-instate justice and hide my own annoyance towards the 'line-breakers,' I heard the father behind us simply reply, 'Son, be gracious.'
Wow! What an answer, I thought. In our fast-paced, 'me-first' world how often do we allow grace to shine through our anger, frustration and general indignation towards others who don't behave exactly the way we think they should?
The notion of 'turning the other cheek' has become an antiquated expression reserved for Sunday school and Bible stories. Our society often misinterprets graciousness and kindness as weakness and associates those who don't fight back or do go out of their way for others with such negative descriptions as being a 'doormat' or 'pushover.'
But exhibiting grace is usually much more difficult and requires a greater amount of personal strength and character than giving in to our inevitable feelings of irritation, anger or annoyance.
"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse... If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:10,13b,14,17,18)
Living out these Biblical principles is far from easy, especially when it feels like everything and everyone in this world is on a crash course to derail even our best intentions. But I always try to remember the profound amounts of grace and mercy given to me by my Heavenly Father during those times I know I least deserve it. Graciousness is a gift- passed down from God to us and from us to the world, 'line-breakers' and all!

The Importance of Patience

Have you ever noticed how the extreme rise in temperature seems to seriously diminish our tolerance levels? There appears to be an indirect correlation between the heat and our patience. One goes up and the other goes way down.
Mothers, who just last December happily stood in line for hours just to see Santa, now are pulling hair and throwing Tae-Bo punches just to get the best chairs at the pool. Well, maybe not that extreme, but I have definitely noticed a spike in road rage and indignant scowls where smiles used to sit.
Patience is crucial when raising little ones and completely necessary in discipline. It eliminates the risk of emotionally based decision making, i.e., allowing anger to steal our focus and not using our mistakes, or our children's, as opportunities to learn and grow. It is important not only to be patient with our children, but with others as well. The examples we set today dictate our children's behavior tomorrow.
Ephesians 4:2 instructs us to "be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
This is a tall order-especially at the end of a long day. (I know its difficult to maintain a tolerant disposition when your child spills Kool-Aid for the tenth time in one day. Or asks for the millionth time why 6 year-olds can't see R-rated movies.) But these are the times when we need to rely on God's love and patience the most. Through His grace we can accept the peace He offers, allowing us to be less affected by daily struggles and the things that normally frustrate us.
Creating a stable, steadfast environment not only gives our children the secure foundation they need; it also gives us an opportunity to bear witness to the consistency of God in their lives. He is the same from season to season and His love and patience endure forever (Psalm 136.)
Every time I feel my fuse getting shorter I think about the amazing gift of God's patience, and all the times He is patient me, regardless of the amount of traffic or the temperature outside. The little things that bother us throughout our day are just that- little things. There is so much to be grateful for, including God's unconditional love and patience!